How’s your marriage?

How’s your marriage?

Chronic illness adds challenges to marriage that can draw you closer together or cause you to become more distant.  The type of illness you have and the level of support you have from your spouse really makes a difference.

My husband and I have been married for 26 years but I’ve only really dealt with chronic illness for the past 7 to 10 years.  I’m thankful that it was a gradual thing so that my husband and I could both begin to adjust and adapt to it. But no matter whether it is gradual or comes upon you suddenly it’s never easy.  In the beginning my husband had a difficult time understanding my symptoms and my limitations.  It took him being out of work for several months and watching me daily, to really begin to understand.

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book, “the five love languages” by Gary Chapman, but my husband’s primary love language is acts of service, which has truly benefited me.  He has an incredible servants heart.  I truly appreciate all that he does for me, and I have to be careful about not falling into a pattern of letting him do things for me that I should be doing myself.

A while ago we had a conversation about how we perceive each other in this season of our marriage.  I felt that he was treating me more like a patient then a wife, and he felt like I was treating him more like a maid than a husband.  I think as a result of that conversation we are more  conscious of how we treat one another.  But  we by no means have this all figured out.  I think the important thing here is to just continue having conversations.

One thing I struggle with is loneliness because I am home all day and have very few people who stop by.  At least my husband gets to go to work and has interaction there.  I understand that people have busy lives with their own children and activities.  I have to say that I’m very thankful that one of my sisters lives not too far away and we try to get together at least once a month to spend the day together, just drinking tea and giving in to our silly side.

My family and friends who know me understand when I say, after visiting for a couple of hours, that I REALLY need to go lay down.  Often times they’ll bring chairs into my bedroom and will continue hanging out in there, which tells me loud and clear how much they truly love and accept me, even if they don’t totally understand what I’m going through.

But it is stressful and it does take a toll on your marriage.  I recently discovered a book called “praying for your husband from head to toe” by Sharon Jaynes and it is changing MY heart, even as I begin to see a transformation in my husband.  My goal is not to change my husband, but to just bring him before the Lord every day and seek the Lords best for him.  I strive to be the best wife that I can possibly be in spite of my illness.

 

Thanks for hanging out with me,

Robin

 

 

Why am I not Healed?

Why am I not Healed?

Believe me, I understand if you’ve been praying or had people praying for you and over you and yet you are not healed. I am not a theologian but I’ve been a follower of Jesus for over 40 years, and one thing I’ve learned is that His ways are higher than my ways. 

I don’t need to understand why God chose me to travel this path, I trust Him and His plans for my life as I seek to live a purpose driven life. Maybe He chose this for me so that we could be friends. Maybe He chose this for me because He wanted me to have a voice in this arena of chronic illness. 

I have learned to see EVERYTHING from the hand of God as a gift chosen and wrapped specifically for me. This illness is no exception. Without it I would have continued to be self reliant and would have missed out on meeting my house cleaner, who has become a dear friend. I would not have met the incredible women I have met who are in this battle with me. 

We live in a fallen world and although I absolutely believe God CAN heal me, He may not choose that for me right now. I still have things to do and amazing people to meet. 

I pray this has been helpful for you 💜

blessings, hugs, and spoons,

Robin


In Spite of My Illness